"Wow, good for you. I could never do that." -- The same words I speak to those who walk through a state fair without indulging in the hedonistic gut bomb that is the funnel cake seem to be the very words received nearly every time anyone hears me say, "Actually, I'm waiting for marriage." Chastity seems to be a dying trend, but it's a lot more common than many realize. Much like us middle schoolers who wet the bed, we elected to remain silent about what happened under the sheets. Though we were silent, we were there. We were there.....
Because we don't hear much about chastity, we assume it to be a fallen virtue. We don't gossip about it ["Oh my God, did you hear about Karen and Josh? Well everyone saw them at the party last night, and they were TOTALLY practicing chastity."] Whether it's music, movies, or magazines, we are totally consumed by sex; it's the one universal thing that every person everywhere shares in common and can agree upon as being very, very good.
Backed by Science //
Waiting for marriage aligns nicely with our own Christian ideals, but the reason why you should wait in your relationship transcends far beyond the realm and "rules" of Christianity. This stuff is backed by science, people.
Produced by the hypothalamus, there's this really cool hormone called oxytocin that's secreted by both men and women during sex. This hormone is crazy awesome and just does a lot of really neat things, especially in women. If you like to science, check that out sometime. This hormone is literally referred to as the "bonding" and "love hormone" for what it does in us. Women secrete oxytocin in crazy-concentrated and really high amounts during childbirth, as well as breast feeding. But this totally makes sense, right? During childbirth, women experience an obvious amount of pain and agony, details unnecessary. But because of this hormone, they are so bonded to their baby, that they not only get through the childbirth, but they crave the experience again so they can feel more of this love and attachment. Men of course don't breast feed nearly as often as women do, so they only experience the joys of oxytocin during sex.
This "bonding hormone" binds us. It makes us feel happier, more secure, more trusting. But as much as it binds us, it blinds us. This can be really beautiful and necessary in a marriage. It binds us and it blinds us to the petty things that intrude upon marriages and make them hairy.
But what happens when we blind ourselves in a dating relationship? We run through red lights. We ignore the very warnings and road signs that God puts before us. Rather than viewing our relationship as a trial for marriage, we become married; married to this blinding bond that we've created, the very bond a mother experiences with her newborn child. We remain in a relationship with a partner that's not perfect for us, something that we often don't realize until years later when we've already joined in marriage.
Waiting for marriage is the opposite of easy. The desires are there; they are strong, they are beautiful, and they are so natural. Our hunger for sex is as innate as our hunger for food. As humans, we crave it. But this love that we crave and this bond that we create is not designed to be broken. Each time we build and break this bond with a new person, we weaken its power and its ability on our marriage with our spouse.
The secret to the best sex isn't a secret. We all know it, though we try to ignore it. To build a clear-minded and un-blinded relationship, learn to work through the issues, have constructive arguments, and see all of the truths (both good and bad) is to build a strong foundation for the happiest marriage and not simply the best, but the most fulfilling sex of your life.